Kvennakvöld

 Vinkonur einar fóru á bar og drukku sig fullar eins og kvenna er siður þegar þær eru ekki með karlana með sér. Þegar þær voru að labba heim þurftu þær báðar nauðsynlega að pissa. Þær voru hjá kirkjugarðinum og ákvaðu að pissa bakvið einhvern legstein þar. Sú sem fyrst pissaði þurrkaði sér á nærbuxunum sínum og henti þeim eitthvað út í loftið að því loknu.  Vinkona hennar var aftur á móti í rokdýrum nærum sem hún vildi ekki tapa, en var svo heppin að hún gat teigt sig í borða af kransi á næsta leiði og þurrkað sér á honum. Vinkonurnar gátu nú haldið ferð sinni áfram og komust heim heilar á húfi.

Daginn eftir hringdi eiginmaður annarrar þeirra í hinn og sagði; "Þessum kvennakvöldum þarf að fara að ljúka. Konan mín kom nærbuxnalaus heim í nótt."

"Það er nú ekkert," sagði hinn, "Mín kom heim með samúðarkort á milli rasskinnanna og á því stóð, Frá okkur öllum á Slökkvistöðinni, við munum aldrei gleyma þér."

BP

 

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas.
Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees
flew to his car and in to his gas tank. After a few minutes,
the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'What did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered,  

 

bp

Hráolíuverð niður fyrir 80 dali

Einn góður:

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks'.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.

When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,’ All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.

We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.

We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.'

Kíkið á þetta:  http://benna.blog.is/blog/benna/entry/604083/